Eyes wide shut

Eyes wide shut

Why would a spouse turn a blind eye to an extra-marital affair Gayatri looks at marriages that go beyond irreconcilable differences

TIMES NEWS NETWORK


SEAN PENN and wife Robin filed for divorce in December, for the third time, but requested the court to dismiss their petition again in April this year to save a marriage that has withstood affairs with Kate Moss and pop singer Jewel. Bollywood star Hrithik Roshan has allegedly taken to the bottle over his affair with co-star Barbara Mori, even as his wife Suzanne clings to him in a public bid to declare their togetherness.
Infidelity has always been the largest stakeholder in a marriage. Director Karan Johar confessed in an interview to Times Life, Around the time of making Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, I lost my faith in marriage because of the affairs I saw around me. Sheena Sippy, who refused to comment, issued marching orders to Kunal Kapoor after valiantly struggling to come to terms with her partners infidelity for many years. Saif Ali Khans ex-wife Amrita Singh still bangs down the phone, if you call to ask about Rosa. Why would any self-respecting woman tolerate an affair
Yet, marriage as an institution continues to hold its ground long after pundits predicted its day was done. Does Anupam Ahuja know something we dont when she says, We have walked together for 15 years and will continue to. These are just bumps in the road
What makes a woman see a future in a man who has strayed Director Sanjay Gupta, who has been linked to actors Sameera Reddy and Dia Mirza, and assistant director Jasmeet Dodhi, confesses to having always stayed in love with exwife Anu, whom he remarried early last month. Gupta explains , The institution of marriage is sacred and spiritual. Its about finding your soulmate and then building and living your life together based on the foundation of love, trust, faith and hope.
Do all marriages that reach a golden period then involve looking the other way Neetu Singh Kapoor spells it out, Yes, you have to look the other way sometimes. Or you get an elder to sit down and mediate, you talk things over. A longlasting marriage means resolving things. Not allowing walking away to be an option . Is there a cost Everyone from Zarina Wahab , Hillary Clinton and Victoria Beckham overlook dalliances to keep their rings. And as Krishna Raj took Nargis in her stride, Jaya Bachchan takes Rekha in hers. An industrywallah says of Shyam and Neera Benegal, considered a golden couple , All that glitters is not gold, you know! They went through a difficult patch too. You want to know why they are a golden couple They rode it out. The golden period , says the observer, only comes after the darkest one. A woman makes the tough decision to stay when the marriage has enough moments of happiness to outweigh the unhappy ones. Says a spouse defending her decision to stay with her cheating husband on an online forum, Why would I throw away 16 years over a one-night stand After so many years, happiness becomes so much more than just sex. Another warns, The number one lie women tell themselves is it meant nothing . Lee Ann, 32, an NRI in Sydney says, There are two kinds of affairs physical, which I can forgive, and an emotional one. If your spouse is going to someone else every time he is happy or sad, then its over. Sex I can deal with. Some claim a cuckold is always in denial. Others cite reasons ranging from for the children to his affair giving you the licence to cheat too, to even believing other women wanting her man makes him hotter . Bimal Roys daughter Rinki Bhattacharya , a womens awareness worker, though says for the children is actually the number one reason a woman walks out of a marriage. When a marriage falls apart and a mother sees the impact upon the children , she sheds the denial shes been living in for years and walks, she explains. On the flip side, the only reason to stay can be for the self in the balance sheet of life, the marriages credits have to counter its debits .
Divorce lawyer and womens activist Flavia Agnes asks; Why did Jaya stay with Amitabh despite Rekha Why is Dharmendras wife still married to him despite Hema Every marriage is a calculation. The decision to stay is a calculation. When a woman has a choice that is better for her than the one the marriage offers whether thats money , social status, property, she goes. When she has something to gain from the marriage , she stays. Same for men. Love, romance has nothing to do with it.
In The New York Times, Betsey Stevenson, assistant professor at University of Pennsylvania , who studies marriage and divorce trends says, I wonder if faithfulness really is a litmus test in marriages, or if it just becomes a litmus test in the media because thats the one betrayal we hear of in celebrity relationships.
Shekhar Kapurs Masoom became one of the earliest films to take marriage beyond fidelity . Life is not about beginnings and ends. It continually evolves and breathes. A healthy relationship that understands that, stays the course, avers twice-married Shekhar Kapur. Priya Vader, a US-based NRI about to celebrate her 10th anniversary, isnt standing for it, I certainly dont think there's anything masoom (innocent) about affairs. Naseeruddin Shahs character knew exactly what he was doing and didnt confess till the love child showed up! Infidelity is unforgivable. Many echo her traditional viewpoint, but few move beyond it. Says H yd e rab a d - b a s e d Aparna Ganti, Yes, a marriage should, and does, outlast any momentary outburstbe it a fight, a brief affair, etc. A strong bond forms the foundation which makes two people inseparable and everything else insignificant.
Gupta believes till death do us part encompasses all. The only true achievement one can have is the family you create through marriage and all that you do to nurture it. Yes, things do tend to go wrong as well, but if you truly want and believe then you can survive it. We did. The difference from a live-in relationship is that marriage is sacred. The vows you take are the rules you live by and make your life worthwhile.
As Bangalore-based Vidya Vaidyanathan puts it, Not that soaps truly mirror life... but doesnt Ross say we were on a break to the woman he really truly loves What do most F.R.I.E.N.D.S fans want to happen out there Says something about fidelity as a be-all , end-all thing.